From Self-Made to Spirit-Led: My Journey out of Workaholism

For as long as I can remember, I have been a highly motivated individual. In first grade, I fell in love with letters, words, and books, but I also discovered that I craved approval. I quickly learned how to get it from my teachers, and I had the cleverness to excel in school while appearing humble.

My first grade teacher told my mother, “That little girl is going to be a journalist!” However, I don’t remember my mother sharing that with me until well into my adulthood. By the time I reached seventh grade, my English teachers were encouraging me to write and submit stories and poems for publication. But because my family valued money and worldly success more than creativity, I learned to focus on measurable achievement. I worked hard at whatever was put before me, often earning straight A’s, getting plenty of attention, and in later years, raises and promotions.

Looking back, I can see that I sought to fulfill the American Dream by becoming a self-made woman. I put aside the talents God had given me because I felt they were marginally valued, but I lived in frustration. I sought opportunities to volunteer my writing and editing abilities, although as a young mother I had little time to offer.

I always found favor easily with those in authority. God continued giving me enough humility and respect for others to win favor among my peers, but in some cases, I found myself playing the role of the proverbial teacher’s pet, giving rise to jealousy among coworkers.

© Gary Coots Photography

The day finally came when I faced my first full-blown rival, and I learned the meaning of the word “defenseless.” My obsessive search for approval was continually unsatisfied, and I became physically ill from the daily stress. One of my dearest colleagues had the wisdom to point out that I was involved in a spiritual battle, and another found scripture references to bolster my courage. Only then did I realize that although I could “get by” in the world by following my humanistic tendencies, the path would lead to constant craving and heartbreaking conflict.

In the mid-90s I finally landed my first paid editorial job, and I enjoyed a successful career as a writer and editor that culminated a decade or so later in a very lucrative and challenging professional position. As others around me lost their jobs and the economy tanked, I recognized the security I had. However, I was once again in a spiritual struggle, complete with physical and psychological symptoms. After some soul-searching and counseling, I decided to give up the job I had worked so hard to get. This self-made woman didn’t like what she had made of her life.

The Lord blessed me with enough freelance work to keep me afloat financially, and I determined to trust Him to show me the next step. And the next. . . and the next. At one time I had prayed, “Lord, please give me a job that pays well and isn’t 40 miles from my house.” Now, I hold in my heart the promise of Isaiah 64:8: "Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand." Beautiful words!

No longer must I strive and work for the approval of men and women. I may lapse into old behaviors, but I'm learning the ways of freedom day by day. And no longer will I turn a blind eye to who is truly at work. Finally I fully understand that "Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain." (Psalm 127:1)